scary dead things the tome of bill book 2

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Scary Dead Things

Author : Rick Gualtieri
ISBN : 9781940415147
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 76. 23 MB
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There are reasons we fear the night. He STILL isn't one of them. Bill Ryder, the trash-talking undead geek from Bill the Vampire, is back and about to find himself in a whole new world of side-splitting insanity. One of the most powerful vampires on the planet has given Bill a death sentence. Meanwhile, an immortal princess wants him for an entirely different purpose, one which makes his first issue seem almost preferable. All the while, new and powerful forces have begun to emerge from the shadows around him. Are they friend or foe? Knowing his luck, do you even have to ask? Bill's only hope is to marshal his friends, master his powers, and somehow prove that he's the scariest dead thing of them all. ------------- Scary Dead Things, book two in The Tome of Bill series, is a foul-mouthed horror comedy with an attitude the size of Brooklyn. ------------- This is book 2 in the Tome of Bill horror comedy series. Forget all of those brooding vampires, pining for lost love as they whine about it for centuries. It's time to make the undead fun again. Welcome to the story of Bill Ryder, a wise-cracking, sharp-tongued geek who just can't take the supernatural world too seriously. It's action, adventure and lots of politically incorrect laughs. If you're a fan of Army of Darkness or Shaun of the Dead then you're in the right place. Writing these books puts a huge smile on my face. I sincerely hope you have as much fun reading them. The Tome of Bill currently includes: Bill the Vampire (book 1) Scary Dead Things (book 2) The Mourning Woods (book 3) Holier Than Thou (book 4) Goddamned Freaky Monsters (book 5) Half A Prayer (book 6) Sunset Strip: A Tale From The Tome Of Bill The Tome of Bill Compendium (vol 1) - Books 1-4 of the series in one collection for those who wish to follow the adventure and save a few bucks in the process.

Bill The Vampire

Author : Rick Gualtieri
ISBN : 9781940415017
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 52. 17 MB
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There are reasons we fear the night. He's not one of them. Bill Ryder was a dateless geek, slacking his way aimlessly through life right up until the day he was killed. Unfortunately for him, that was just the beginning of his troubles. He awoke as a vampire, one of the legendary predators of the night. Sadly, fangs or not, he was still at the bottom of the food chain. Now he finds himself surrounded by creatures stronger, deadlier, and a whole lot cooler than he is. Worst yet, most of them want him dead - permanently this time. Bill isn't exactly average, though. A vampire like him hasn't been seen in centuries. He's got a few tricks up his sleeve, unlikely allies, and an attitude problem that makes him too damn obnoxious to quit. Join him in this hilarious tale of monsters, mayhem, and the unlikely hero who's not afraid to tell them all off - even if it gets his teeth kicked in. ---------- Bill The Vampire, book one in The Tome of Bill series, is a foul-mouthed horror comedy with a nasty overbite. ********** Welcome to the Tome of Bill series - an urban fantasy world aimed at bringing the vampire genre back from the dark brooding crypt it's slept in these past several years. It's time to make the undead fun again. This is the story of Bill Ryder, a wise-cracking, D&D playing programmer who, much to his dismay, learns firsthand that vampires and other monsters are real. There's just one problem: despite the danger, he can't bring himself to take the supernatural world all that seriously. Action, adventure and lots of politically incorrect laughs follow at he traverses the dark underworld of these bloodthirsty immortals. Writing these books puts a huge smile on my face. I sincerely hope you have as much fun reading them. The Tome of Bill currently includes: Bill the Vampire (book 1) Scary Dead Things (book 2) The Mourning Woods (book 3) Holier Than Thou (book 4) Sunset Strip: A Tale From The Tome Of Bill Goddamned Freaky Monsters (book 5) Half-a-Prayer (book 6) The Tome of Bill Compendium (vol 1) - Books 1-4 of this horror comedy series in one collection for those who wish to follow the adventure and save a few bucks in the process. ********** Tips for Surviving All Those Damned Vampires* by Rick Gualtieri Being seduced by a beautiful immortal makes for pretty good fantasy. There's just one small problem. Actually getting your throat torn out by a ravenous creature of the night is a wee bit less glamorous than Hollywood would have you believe. Here are my tips for avoiding a gruesome fate at the hands of the undead. Avoid being where vampires are. Yeah, that might sound obvious, but you need to cover the basics first if you're gonna live to see your next sunrise. This means staying away from old castles, spooky forests, and villages where they fork the sign of the evil eye at strangers. Note: this shouldn't be confused with avoiding places where the patronage are sporting sparkly makeup and false fangs. You may wish to stay out of those spots as well, mind you, but for entirely different reasons. Carry a vampire slaying kit. Much like burglars avoid houses guarded by angry Dobermans, most vamps prefer easy meals over folks sporting weaponry that would make Buffy Summers weep with joy. Thus, you should never leave home without: wooden stakes, crucifix, holy water, crossbow, machete, and a heavy caliber gun with silver bullets (bonus - also handy for werewolves). Hold on there, Jethro, won't most of that stuff get me arrested? Probably, but ask yourself what's worse: a psych evaluation and maybe a few nights in jail or an eternity of servitude to the forces of darkness? Yeah, that's what I thought. It's up to you to decide if you're gonna man up because otherwise just pour some barbeque sauce on your neck and get it over with. Don't rely on garlic. For vampires anyway. Though a tasty ingredient, garlic is iffy at best as a vampire deterrent. Most will steal it for later use in a marinara sauce and then just bite you anyway. Also, running around with cloves of garlic hanging from your neck is a good way to get labeled as a weirdo, ensuring you get ignored by everyone - except maybe the vampires chasing you. Running water is a fool's errand. Sure, if you're on one side of the English Channel and a vamp is on the other, the odds are in your favor. Streams, creeks, or swimming pools, though, aren't gonna do much except maybe get a vampire wet. This will do nothing to help your cause, unless maybe you have some fetish for being killed by a damp vampire. Hey, we don't judge. Only go out during the day. Don't let your friends fool you. They may be out having all sorts of fun at parties, clubs, concerts and the like, but you'll have the last laugh as you sit at home, locked up tight and surrounded by anti-vampire paraphernalia. Yeah, a so-called significant other might occasionally insist that you take them out to dinner or a movie, but don't be fooled. They may very well be thralls, hoping to lure you to a messy fate at the hands of their vampire overlords. Trust no one. The undead are everywhere. *legal disclaimer - don't actually do this!!! ---------- Keywords: urban fantasy,paranormal fantasy,horror comedy,hilarious stories,funny books,contemporary fantasy series magic,vampire series,vampires,vampire comedy,vampires fiction,comedy series,geek humor,gamer humor,alpha master vampire,fiction novels,fantasy ebooks,comedy vampires,underworld,supernatural stories,undead,zombies,superhero,superheroes,unlikely heroes,underdog heroes,new york,manhattan,brooklyn

The Mourning Woods

Author : Rick Gualtieri
ISBN : 9781940415123
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 22. 21 MB
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Vampires versus Bigfoot - winner takes all. Bill Ryder: undead geek, dateless dweeb, and legendary vampire is back in his wildest adventure yet. A war is brewing between ancient enemies from the dawn of time. If it can't be stopped, the veil will be lifted and all of humanity's darkest nightmares will be unleashed to wreak havoc. Bill and his friends are the only chance we have...Lord help us all! The vampire nation dispatches Bill to a faraway land to broker peace, but it's not going to be easy. His enemies want him dead. Hell, some of his allies do too. Danger lurks at every turn and in places where he least expects it. Now he must rely on his friends, master his fledgling powers, and use every four-letter word in his arsenal to stop the war, uncover the conspiracy, and solve the mystery that lies at the heart of the Mourning Woods. ------------- The Mourning Woods, book three in The Tome of Bill series, is a foul-mouthed paranormal adventure that will leave your funny bone feeling like it's been trampled by an angry moose. ------------- This is book 3 of the Tome of Bill horror comedy series and it brings together two of my all time favorite monsters: Vampires and Sasquatch. It's an all out bloody brawl in the woods of northern Canada to determine the fate of the world. Writing these books puts a huge smile on my face. I sincerely hope you have as much fun reading them. The Tome of Bill currently includes: Bill the Vampire (book 1) Scary Dead Things (book 2) The Mourning Woods (book 3) Holier Than Thou (book 4) Goddamned Freaky Monsters (book 5) Half A Prayer (book 6) Sunset Strip: A Tale From The Tome Of Bill The Tome of Bill Compendium (vol 1) - Books 1-4 of the series in one collection for those who wish to follow the adventure and save a few bucks in the process. ---------- Keywords: urban fantasy,paranormal fantasy,horror comedy,hilarious stories,funny books,contemporary fantasy series magic,vampire series,vampires,vampire comedy,vampires fiction,comedy series,geek humor,gamer humor,alpha master vampire,fiction novels,fantasy ebooks,comedy vampires,underworld,supernatural stories,undead,zombies,superhero,superheroes,unlikely heroes,underdog heroes,canada,bigfoot,sasquatch,cryptids,grendel,alma,yeti

Holier Than Thou

Author : Rick Gualtieri
ISBN : 9781940415109
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 61. 65 MB
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There are reasons the undead fear the night... Bill Ryder - gamer, geek, and legendary vampire - has woman troubles. The girl he wants is deadly to him. The girl who wants him is deadly to everyone else. He's trapped in the most lethal love triangle he can imagine and it's only going to get worse. On the eve of war, The Icon - ancient foe of the vampire race - has arisen. Panic is about to break out within the undead ranks and Bill is caught smack dab in the middle of it. Destiny has placed them on a cataclysmic collision course, but there's just one small catch: he's in love with her. Now he finds himself in a race against supernatural assassins to save the person who's fated to destroy him. Talk about being damned if you do... Unsure of his allies and outnumbered by enemies, Bill must dig deep within himself and find the faith to succeed - because if he fails, it'll be more than just his social life in tatters. ------------------ Holier Than Thou, book four in The Tome of Bill series, is a foul-mouthed paranormal dance with death, destiny, and trying to get a date. ------------------ Welcome to the fourth book in my Tome of Bill urban fantasy series. This series is about a geeky gamer who finds himself thrust into a world of magic, monsters, and assorted other horrors - most of whom want him dead. Looking for brooding heroes pining for lost love? Well, I'm afraid you should seek your reading pleasure elsewhere. The hero of these stories, Bill Ryder, is much more likely to spend his days wondering whether Captain Picard could beat Gandalf the Grey in a battle of wits - all while throwing out caustic one-liners at the creatures dragging the world to Hell around him. What better way to combat the forces of evil than with a quick wit and sarcastic attitude? I have a lot of fun writing these stories. I very much hope you enjoy them. The Tome of Bill currently includes: Bill the Vampire (book 1) Scary Dead Things (book 2) The Mourning Woods (book 3) Holier Than Thou (book 4) Goddamned Freaky Monsters (book 5) Half A Prayer (book 6) Sunset Strip: A Tale From The Tome Of Bill The Tome of Bill Compendium (vol 1) - Books 1-4 of the series in one collection for those who wish to follow the adventure and save a few bucks in the process. ---------- Keywords: urban fantasy,paranormal fantasy,horror comedy,hilarious stories,funny books,contemporary fantasy series magic,vampire series,vampires,vampire comedy,vampires fiction,comedy series,geek humor,gamer humor,alpha master vampire,fiction novels,fantasy ebooks,comedy vampires,underworld,supernatural stories,undead,zombies,superhero,superheroes,unlikely heroes,underdog heroes,new york,forbidden love,templar,faith,chosen one,paranormal romance

Twice The Thrills Twice The Chills

Author : Bryan Senn
ISBN : 9781476635712
Genre : Performing Arts
File Size : 31. 27 MB
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"When Bryan Senn writes books on cinema. many monster movie fans know he grabs their attention right away and won't let go"—Scary Monsters Magazine In the mid-1950s, to combat declining theater attendance, film distributors began releasing pre-packaged genre double-bills--including many horror and science fiction double features. Though many of these films were low-budget and low-end, others, such as Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Horror of Dracula and The Fly, became bona fide classics. Beginning with Universal-International's 1955 pairing of Revenge of the Creature and Cult of the Cobra, 147 officially sanctioned horror and sci-fi double-bills were released over a 20-year period. This book presents these double features year-by-year, and includes production details, historical notes, and critical commentary for each film.

Swampmen Muck Monsters And Their Makers

Author : Jon B. Cooke
ISBN : 9781605490571
Genre : Comics & Graphic Novels
File Size : 84. 66 MB
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SWAMPMEN: MUCK-MONSTERS AND THEIR MAKERS examines those creepy man-critters that crawled out of the bayou back in the 1970s, through the memories of the artists and writers who created them! A stunning line-up of interviews discuss Swamp Thing, Man-Thing, The Heap, Lurker of the Swamp, It, Bog Beast, and even Marvin the Dead Thing: BERNIE WRIGHTSON, ALAN MOORE, MIKE PLOOG, LEN WEIN, STEVE GERBER, STEPHEN R. BISSETTE, RICK VEITCH, VAL MAYERIK, JIM MOONEY, JOHN TOTLEBEN, and the remembrances of many others. Behind the chilling FRANK CHO cover, there's also these astounding stories: "It Started with 'It': The THEODORE STURGEON Connection"; "The Romance of 'Swamp Thing': Heartbreak Inside the House of Secrets"; "With the Helping of the Heap: Alan Moore's Anatomy Lesson"; "Jesus is Not Alright with DC: Rick Veitch and Cancelled Comics of Calvary"; and "The Lost Bernie Wrightson Swamp Thing Graphic Novel." Over ten years in the making, this is the definitive look at that ground-breaking horror comics sub-genre, so jump into the muck 'n' mire!

The Supernatural Index

Author : Michael Ashley
ISBN : 0313240302
Genre : Literary Criticism
File Size : 27. 49 MB
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Indexes story collections by editor, book title, author, and story title

The New York Times Book Review

Author :
ISBN : IND:30000114373248
Genre : Books
File Size : 48. 47 MB
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The Index

Author : Francis Ellingwood Abbot
ISBN : UOM:39015012320308
Genre : Religion
File Size : 43. 51 MB
Format : PDF
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The American Spectator

Author :
ISBN : UVA:X006062961
Genre : American literature
File Size : 56. 26 MB
Format : PDF
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