moms who drink and swear true tales of loving my kids while losing my mind

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Moms Who Drink And Swear

Author : Nicole Knepper
ISBN : 9781101650943
Genre : Biography & Autobiography
File Size : 33. 50 MB
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If you feel like your kids are killing you, you’ve come to the right place. Attention all potty-mouthed, cheap-wine-drinking mothers: Prepare to meet your match. Any bad thought you’ve had about your kids, Nicole Knepper has had worse. Much worse. It’s not that she doesn’t love her kids. It’s that she understands what a mind-f*?% it can be to try to civilize those wild little beasts. Based on her hugely popular Facebook page, “Moms Who Drink and Swear,” this book reveals why family dinners are like herpes, how to avoid smashing toys that are being fought over, and the joy of hearing that your son has murdered his imaginary friend. As Nicole rants and raves about caring for children (without crushing their souls), family togetherness (without too many tears), the saving grace of girlfriends (and vodka), and love and marriage (and all the baggage that goes with them), she gets to the heart of what every exasperated mom is thinking, just much funnier.

Moms Who Drink And Swear

Author : Nicole Knepper
ISBN : 045141814X
Genre : Biography & Autobiography
File Size : 37. 85 MB
Format : PDF, Kindle
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Based on the popular Facebook page, offers humorous anecdotes and stories about the trials of motherhood.

I Was A Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids

Author : Trisha Ashworth
ISBN : 0811871665
Genre : Family & Relationships
File Size : 46. 72 MB
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I don't know how she does it! is an oft-heard refrain about mothers today. Funnily enough, most moms agree they have no idea how they get it done, or whether they even want the job. Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile spoke to mothers of every stripe--working, stay-at-home, part-time--and found a surprisingly similar trend in their interviews. After enthusing about her lucky life for twenty minutes, a mother would then break down and admit that her child's first word was "Shrek." As one mom put it, "Am I happy? The word that describes me best is challenged." Fresh from the front lines of modern motherhood comes a book that uncovers the guilty secrets of moms today . . . in their own words. I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids diagnoses the craziness and offers real solutions, so that mothers can step out of the madness and learn to love motherhood as much as they love their kids.

What The F Should I Make For Dinner

Author : Zach Golden
ISBN : 9780762443673
Genre : Cooking
File Size : 53. 57 MB
Format : PDF, Docs
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Don't know what to make for dinner? Is every evening an occasion for duress and deliberation? No more! What the F*@# Should I Make For Dinner? gets everyone off their a**es and in the kitchen. Derived from the incredibly popular website, whatthefuckshouldimakefordinner.com, the book functions like a “Choose your own adventure” cookbook, with options on each page for another f*@#ing idea for dinner. With 50 recipes to choose from, guided by affrontingly creative navigational prompts, both meat-eaters and vegetarians can get cooking and leave their indecisive selves behind.

Confessions Of A Scary Mommy

Author : Jill Smokler
ISBN : 9781451673784
Genre : Family & Relationships
File Size : 48. 76 MB
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Sometimes I just let my children fall asleep in front of the TV. In a culture that idealizes motherhood, it’s scary to confess that, in your house, being a mother is beautiful and dirty and joyful and frustrating all at once. Admitting that it’s not easy doesn’t make you a bad mom; at least, it shouldn’t. If I can’t survive my daughter as a toddler, how the hell am I going to get through the teenage years? When Jill Smokler was first home with her small children, she thought her blog would be something to keep friends and family updated. To her surprise, she hit a chord in the hearts of mothers everywhere. I end up doing my son’s homework. It’s wrong, but so much easier. Total strangers were contributing their views on that strange reality called motherhood. As other women shared their stories, Jill realized she wasn’t alone in her feelings of exhaustion and imperfection. My eighteen month old still can’t say “Mommy” but used the word “shit” in perfect context. But she sensed her readers were still holding back, so decided to start an anonymous confessional, a place where real moms could leave their most honest thoughts without fearing condemnation. I pretend to be happy but I cry every night in the shower. The reactions were amazing: some sad, some pee-in-your-pants funny, some brutally honest. But they were real, not a commercial glamorization. I clock out of motherhood at 8 P.M. and hide in the basement with my laptop and a beer. If you’re already a fan, lock the bathroom door on your whining kids, run a bubble bath, and settle in. If you’ve not encountered Scary Mommy before, break out a glass of champagne as well, because you’ll be toasting your initiation into a select club. I know why some animals eat their young. In chapters that cover husbands (The Biggest Baby of Them All) to homework (Didn’t I Already Graduate?), Confessions of a Scary Mommy combines all-new essays from Jill with the best of the anonymous confessions. Sometimes I wish my son was still little—then I hear kids screaming at the store. As Jill says, “We like to paint motherhood as picture perfect. A newborn peacefully resting on his mother’s chest. A toddler taking tentative first steps into his mother’s loving arms. A mother fluffing her daughter’s prom dress. These moments are indeed miraculous and joyful; they can also be few and far between.” Of course you adore your kids. Of course you would lay down your life for them. But be honest now: Have you ever wondered what possessed you to sign up for the job of motherhood? STOP! DO NOT OPEN THIS BOOK UNTIL YOU RECITE THESE VOWS! I shall remember that no mother is perfect and my children will thrive because, and sometimes even in spite, of me. I shall not preach to a fellow mother who has not asked my opinion. It’s none of my damn business. I shall maintain a sense of humor about all things motherhood.

W H Ine

Author : Jennifer Todryk
ISBN : 9781631063350
Genre : Cooking
File Size : 50. 94 MB
Format : PDF, Kindle
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This isn't your ordinary wine pairing book--this is wine pairing for the weary parent! Did your daughter just get out of bed for the twelfth time to ask for a glass of water? We've got the perfect ros� for your sanity. Did your son just have a meltdown in the middle of the grocery store? We've got a Pinot for your pain. Has your child's math homework left you in a state of total depression? Try a Syrah to get you out of that funk. W(h)ine includes fifty perfect pairings to match your child's perfectly rotten behavior! You'll also discover the best ways to open a wine bottle without a corkscrew (hint: use a shoe). As a bonus, each wine featured in the book comes with a sticker, so every time you sample a wine to match a rotten behavior, go ahead and add it to the Periodic Table of W(h)ine that folds out of the book. The sticker groupings will help you determine if your child has behavior problems, attitude problems, or just plain bad DNA! So whether you like your "juice" from the glass, the bottle, or the box, this is the perfect book to wine your way through the joys of day-to-day parenting.

Motherhood Comes Naturally And Other Vicious Lies

Author : Jill Smokler
ISBN : 9781476728384
Genre : Family & Relationships
File Size : 42. 19 MB
Format : PDF, Mobi
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From the New York Times bestselling author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy and the wildly popular blog ScaryMommy.com, a hilarious new essay collection that exposes the “vicious lies” that every parent is told. Newly pregnant and scared out of her mind, Jill Smokler lay on her gynecologist’s examination table and was told the biggest lie she’d ever heard in her life: “Motherhood is the most natural thing in the world.” Instead of quelling her nerves like that well intentioned nurse hoped to, Jill was instead set up for future of questioning exactly what DNA strand she was missing that made the whole motherhood experience feel less than natural to her. Wonderful? Yes. Miraculous? Of course. Worthwhile? Without a doubt. But natural? Not so much. Jill’s first memoir, the New York Times bestseller Confessions of a Scary Mommy, rocketed to national fame with its down and dirty details about life with her three precious bundles of joy. Now Jill returns with all-new essays debunking more than twenty pervasive myths about motherhood. She’s here to give you what few others will dare: The truth.

Alcoholics Anonymous

Author : Alcoholics Anonymous
ISBN : 1258461803
Genre :
File Size : 27. 89 MB
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Fifty Shades Of Funny

Author : Dc Stanfa
ISBN : 061567917X
Genre : Short stories, American
File Size : 88. 6 MB
Format : PDF
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When people unite, misadventures ignite. Relationships can be chaotic, and sex is never as smoothly choreographed as it is in The Young and the Restless. Authors/Editors Susan Reinhardt, award-winning columnist for Asheville Citizen-Times and author of four books, including "Not Tonight Honey, Wait 'Til I'm A Size Six", and DC Stanfa, author of "The Art Of Table Dancing: Escapades Of An Irreverent Woman", compile a refreshing regalement of stories, ranging from strange to hysterical, in this PG-13 (ish) rated anthology. This collaboration includes several well-known humorists, and some new, unique voices. Among the heavy-hitters are Bruce Cameron from "The 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter" fame, and Hollis Gillespie, Bleachy-Haired Honky Bitch and "Confessions Of A Recovering Slut", best-selling humorist and a Writers Digest Break-Out Author of the Year. Both of these esteemed authors have contributed stories about relationships that went from sweet to sour. A new, unusual suspect contributing to the project is Nikki Knepper, "Queen of Cussin", the founder of Moms Who Drink and Swear. Fifty Shades of Funny is an eclectic collection of true stories that fit like your perfect little black dress. But with a twist: This time it's a little black rubber dress. (Those librarians can be wild.) The stories range from ironic and sardonic to some slapstick situations that are laugh-out-loud funny. This is a collection of often embarrassing-but-true stories by people who happen to be really great storytellers: from tales about exploding hair caked in Final Net and flaming Lee Press-On nails, to one contributor's story about her on-going tumultuous relationship with pool boys. Fifty Shades of Funny offers up unconventional and often prickly pairings, like one writer's harrowing relationship with her mother's horrendous hairdo, and a consuming obsession-confession from a man who explores life, death and his love and desire for a popular snack-cake, Little Debbies--a tart in more ways than one. There is also a comical confession from a cougar-in-training, and one man's transgression with a "woman in a box" that he bought at a store. This book isn't just soup for your soul. It's filling enough to bust a gut. It's sweet, salty, and spicy followed with some just desserts and un-just desertions. (You didn't really think The Hot Drummer was going to marry her, did you?)

Understanding The Borderline Mother

Author : Christine Ann Lawson
ISBN : 9780765703316
Genre : Psychology
File Size : 71. 91 MB
Format : PDF
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The first love in our lives is our mother. Recognizing her face, her voice, the meaning of her moods, and her facial expressions is crucial to survival. Dr. Christine Ann Lawson vividly describes how mothers who suffer from borderline personality disorder produce children who may flounder in life even as adults, futilely struggling to reach the safety of a parental harbor, unable to recognize that their borderline parent lacks a pier, or even a discernible shore. Four character profiles describe different symptom clusters that include the waif mother, the hermit mother, the queen mother, and the witch. Children of borderlines are at risk for developing this complex and devastating personality disorder themselves. Dr. Lawson's recommendations for prevention include empathic understanding of the borderline mother and early intervention with her children to ground them in reality and counteract the often dangerous effects of living with a "make-believe" mother. Some readers may recognize their mothers as well as themselves in this book. They will also find specific suggestions for creating healthier relationships. Addressing the adult children of borderlines and the therapists who work with them, Dr. Lawson shows how to care for the waif without rescuing her, to attend to the hermit without feeding her fear, to love the queen without becoming her subject, and to live with the witch without becoming her victim. A Jason Aronson Book

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